My wife and I strongly believe that surrounding our kids with funny, intelligent, hard working, honest, clever, skilled, open minded, caring, confident, athletic and creative people is really important to give your kids proper role models for them to emulate.

And if they are all that and can fish, willing to be primary through the door, cook like a madman and always keep a drink in your hand, that’s just a HUGE bonus!

Pictured: Scout (the now departed dog), Atticus and Erik (our daughter’s god father)

..is a stay at home dad in a surgical mask!

I may have a nasty respiratory infection, but that doesn’t mean my kid shouldn’t be able to play.  Get over yourselves moms.  If I wanted your kids I wouldn’t take them by showing up in a public place with one of my own.

As readers should well know by now, I am a stay at home dad (SAHD).  What you might not know is that I HATE that term. 

Does “Dad” not say it all?  If you meet a woman with kids and you ask her what she does for a living and she says that she is a “Homemaker” or simply “a Mom” then you understand what she is saying is that her job is to be the primary care giver for her kids.  Right?

This past Wednesday I was out with my, for lack of a better term, SAHD’s group that meets every week.  The 8 of us dads had lunch with our kids at a landmark cheese steak stand here in Atlanta and then went down the street to a play ground.  While there enjoying the swing set, I had what has become the standard conversation with most women that see me with my 17 month old son:

Woman: Is it daddy’s day out?

Me: Every day is daddy’s day out, we are all stay at home dads (slightly snarky)

Woman: Oh, that must be nice.

Me (Thinking): you are here with your kid at 1pm on a Wednesday, so I’m thinking your are a stay at home mom.. why do you think it’s “nice” for me?

Me: It is for me, what about you?

Woman: Oh yeah, I’m home with the kids too.

-Another great one-

woman: Is it mommy’s day off?

Me (Thinking): I’ve thought of many replies to this question since I find it pretty annoying and borderline offensive that me, as a man, with a baby could only be the temporary help and not the primary care giver.

• Mommy was mulled by bears last year, thanks for bringing that up
• I am mommy.  What are you trying to say (in a high pitched voice)
• Oh.. No.. this is not MY kid.  I just found him wandering on isle 7 and was thinking I could sell him for a lot of money on the internet

With so many women wanting to have these types of conversations with me, I’m not sure what to make of them.  Are these women thinking “I wish my husband was a SAHD so I could go to work, or anywhere, rather than being stuck with these kids” or that somehow it’s “nice” for me because it’s more special for me as a man?  Now that I think of if, I’ll ask the next woman that asks me and see what she is thinking, because when I meet a woman that takes care of the kids I never think “oh, that is nice for you”.  I just think that they are taking care of the kids.  It’s that simple.

On a separate topic, a guy named Kevin in my dad’s group coined the term “SAWM”, or Stay At Work Moms for our wives.  It was too funny not to throw in here..

My son playing with HIS drawers on my office

My office is being “liquidated” this week to make way for our 2nd child’s room, and as I am solemnly packing away all my treasures, I am starting to understand the “man cave” concept.  Until now I always thought having some sort of room set aside with a big TV in it and “man stuff” was kind of silly.  But as I contemplate the notion of finding a corner of our house, which in not the biggest, to be quietly alone for a little while, the value of a place like that becomes much more clear.

Not to mention all the things that are too big to pack up, where will I put my life size Stormtrooper, Buck Rogers pinball machine, Major Award (leg lamp), Strange Brew movie poster.. the list goes on and on.  My wife has generously suggested that we integrate these things into other rooms, even offering to keep the Stormtrooper in our bedroom.  But that seemed weird, even to me.

I am trying to keep in mind that this is a very fair trade.  I give up my office=I get a daughter.  So sure, no problem, that sounds like a great deal from me and I’m really excited for her to arrive.  But that doesn’t mean that I’m not going to shed a few tears as I carefully place bubble wrap around my Big Trak and place it in the box labeled ”More awesome stuff that you could have kept in your office if you had just told her you had a headache”.

So, as it all gets packed away I start longing for the day when I too have one of these man caves..   unless I get the kids bunk beds!

My son having lunch at Waffle House and getting some love from the staff

Really? Yesterday I was at our favorite baby store (New Baby Products) and they were having a clearance sale on old stock.  I noticed several copies of this book at the bottom of a box filled with bottle parts and nursing capes.

The title made me throw up a little in my mouth “Keeping You Toddler on Track till Mommy Gets Home”.  Then I started to focus in on the cover art:

• Daddy trying to read the paper and have coffee despite the kids “energetic” behavior (AKA Daddy just trying to live his life and ignoring the kid)
• Daddy’s apron “Mommy’s Helper” (which seems weird since it’s looks like a stereotypical “woman’s” apron)
• The kid’s shirt “Mommy’s Angel” (which he clearly seems not to be)
• Animals in fear for their lives
• Bystanders in shock of the level of neglect and disregard being demonstrated be Daddy
• Daddy not noticing (or caring) about rules or posted laws (such as stay off the grass)

I’ll admit that all that made me not even want to crack it open, and I didn’t, but now I regret it.  When I got home I looked it up on Amazon and found the description to be basically the book that I am writing (in my mind at this point):

A tongue-in-cheek peek at modern parenting from a father’s point of view, this spoof is targeted at today’s career-minded mom and dad team. Breezy, irreverent humor escorts dads through basic topics such as home-from-the-hospital adjustments, post-partum dos and don’ts, diaper changing, feeding, difficult infant behavior, child-care choices, and the bustle of the pretoddler stage. Lightening up the serious business of being a 21st-century father, this book teaches dads that they don’t have to be perfect and shows them how to enjoy the different stages of a baby’s life.

I scrolled down and found the following review to be somewhat typical:

This book is a humorous treatment of caring for a baby. That much is clear from the other reviews. What is not clear, though, is that this book does not present facts which are useful in the course of attempting to be funny.

Let me be clear: This is a comedy, there is no useful information in this book. I would not recommend this to anyone who actually would like some tips on caring for a baby, but presented in a light-hearted manner. There is an excellent book which I would describe as just that: Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads by Gary Greenberg and Jeannie Hayden.

I would not recommend Keeping The Baby Alive to anyone, it’s not that funny and it’s got zilch for information.  By Bicycle Agent 003

Again from Amazon:

About the Author: Walter Roark is the author of two award-winning CD-ROMs, Life’s Greatest Mysteries and Nine Month Miracle. He lives in Atlanta, Georgia.

“Award-winning CD-ROMs”?  That’s a thing??  ..and what are these awards you speak of?

His list of books (I could not find any info on these CD-ROMs):

• Keeping the Baby Alive till Your Wife Gets Home: The Tough New ‘How-To’ for 21st-Century Dads (2001)
• Keeping Your Toddler on Track till Mommy Gets Back: The Toddler Survival Guide for 21st-Century Dads (2003)
• Keeping Your Grandkids Alive till Their Ungrateful Parents Arrive: The Guide for Fun-Loving Granddads (2004)
• Keeping the Baby Alive till Your Wife Gets Home (2005)
• Real Florida: A Travel Guide for the Passionate Yet Practical (2006)

A “humorous” quote from the book:

Question: You come home late from a hard day at the office and find Aunt Ethel camped out by the crib, teaching your little boy how to say cute things like “boo-boo” and “pee-pee.” Should you? (a) Politely state that those words are slightly silly and you’d prefer it if Baby didn’t learn them (b) Inform Auntie that hearing “pee-pee” makes you sick to your stomach, then prove it on her robe (c) Smack Aunt Ethel in the face and tell her to mind her own business (d) Say, “Son, the correct usage for those words is ‘injury’ and ‘urinate.’ Please make a mental note.” The answer is, of course, (d). Because answer (a) would cause family friction, (b) would create a scene and (c) would provoke a lawsuit… (d) is the only possible alternative.

More excerpts from the book can be found on his website, but be warned, they are all about as funny as the above: www.clearingskies.com

The Bottom Line: I know that the world is full of horrible dads that don’t think it’s their job to do the “mommy work” and that only when it’s time to teach the boys how to throw a baseball will it be their time to step in.  And I’m sure that plenty of these people would find this kind of book hilarious, but as a stay at home dad it is exactly this kind of book that pisses me off to my core.  If a book were titled something like, oh I don’t know, “The day Mommy tried to get a real job: The guide for gals that want to try bringing home the bacon for a change” I don’t think it would go over so well..

From a friend I’ve known for almost 20 years:

Hey,
I’ve been following your blog since you told me about it, it’s been a fun read.  What I most like (aside from the amusing stuff like six broken water fountains) is how well it expresses your interest and joy in being a good father.  Most often when I hear of someone having a child I’m actually a bit sorry to hear it, as so many people are too casual or ill-equipped to do so, and then the poor kid has to deal with it in the long run.  It seems to be the majority of cases.  My dad, for example, left home when he was 16 because his father was extremely abusive, and then it left him without a solid understanding of how to be a good parent because he had no positive model to work from.  He tried in his own way, even though I know he didn’t ideally want kids, but it was clear that he struggled in knowing how to connect with us.  So, it is immensely encouraging to see that there are people out there who actually want to be parents and are putting in the effort to do a great job at it.  And, it looks like you’re enjoying it and see it as a gift and not a duty.  It’s a good reason to get that book written!  

Say, have you ever considered adopting a mild mannered, mostly housebroken 40 year old artist?

Me:

Hey buddy,

it makes me so happy to know that you (or someone) has been reading the blog, and I’m glad that it captures the joy I have for my son (and soon to be daughter) as well as being a Dad.  Being a dad is pretty cool!

I too have found that a lot of people who have kids seem to act (or maybe feel) as if it is some sort of punishment, or worse, don’t participate in raising their kids at all.

For me, it’s been really great, and while I’m scared shitless of having another one (especially a girl) I don’t know what else to do but to push forward with what I have started and enjoy every last second of it. 

Besides, now I have a spotter AND a re-loader for the zombie apocalypse (while my wife covers the back of the house).

Dear Food, 

I love you. 

-Daddy (and son)

Eating his first chili dog at the Varsity

What’ll Ya Have? What’ll Ya Have?  Odds are if you have the Food Channel or have ever been to Atlanta (or GA for that matter) you have heard of The Varsity. It’s a 1950’s style fast food burger and dog kind of restaurant that still features curb service with car hops.  Everyone in GA eats there, from congressmen to college students, and it’s practically a right of passage.  Since my son is one of those rare people that was actually born in Atlanta (not a carpet bagger like his mother and me) I had to take him as soon as possible to make sure we are laying the proper foundation for both his appreciation of food and pride in his city.

Night time is the right time at The Varsity

The largest drive-in fast food restaurant in the world: The original Varsity was opened in 1928 by a man named Frank Gordy to service the adjacent GA Tech campus, and has grown from a humble shack with a white picket fence to more than two acres and can accommodate 600 cars and over 800 people inside restaurant. On Tech game days an average of over 30,000 people visit The Varsity.  They can average two miles of hot dogs, a ton of onions, 2500 pounds of potatoes, 5000 fried pies and 300 gallons of chili made from scratch daily.

Dave enjoys watching him have his first Varsity PC (Plain Chocolate milk)

I think a meal at The Varsity is a must as they serve a great chilli-slaw dog and some of the best onion rings in the city.  Not to mention the “F.O.” aka Frosted Orange (drink) of the fried pies.  Yes, they still fry their pies, unlike most other fast food places that have sneakily converted to “baked” pies that taste awful.

Anyway, do yourself a favor and make sure you stop at The Varsity when in Atlanta.

Cokie Roberts -OR- Yo-Landi Vi$$er

It’s a girl: Words that brought instant joy and fear into my heart.  First of all, my side of the family is about 97% male going back 3 generations, and we already had a son so we figured we would get another.  In fact, my wife and I (and our family) all knew it was such a forgone conclusion that it was going to be another boy that we referenced “him” as such.  We had already talked about the bunk beds, hand-me-downs, 3 to 1 boy to mommy ratio.. it was a lock.  Even as we were sitting in that darkened room at our OB’s office getting the ultrasound and she slowly scanned around showing us the arms, fingers, legs, toes, then paused and said “Are you sure you want to know?”.  But just a second before as she was moving the wand I got a pretty good view of the pelvic region and a bead of sweat formed on my brow. Surly I didn’t see what I thought I saw.  Maybe the OB needs to switch to a different scanning mode to properly show the penis? Perhaps I mistook that part for something else?  ..nope, “It’s a girl!”.

Second opinion : My wife and I clearly had looks of shock on our faces because the OB asked if we were OK?  After a second for our brains to reboot I think my wife squeaked out something like “Are you sure?”.  Going back over the area the OB confirmed it, “Yep, definitely a girl”.  Instantly a montage of all the girls I had ever chased, things I had done with them and possible scenarios (such as teen-mother/stripper) popped in my head from a third person perspective with me as the father of said girls..  HOLY SHIT! 

After another brain reboot, and sitting down, I refocused on what was going on in the room.  Our daughter was healthy, all of the important parts had been identified as being there, she was right on target for growth and weight and my wife was also doing really well.  This was all very good news and I was thankful for all of it.  Reaching for my wife’s had, with a little squeeze we met eyes, and with a slightly teary smile we moved on to the next chapter of our daughter’s story.

Amelia Earhart: the first aviatrix to fly solo across the Atlantic Ocean

Everything is pink: After the appointment, and a quick lunch,my wife headed back to work and my son and I headed home.  After putting him down for his nap I was, at last, truly alone with this news of a daughter, and It was overwhelming.  I started to focus in from would she be a pioneer in science or pole dancer to more immediate concerns, such as how much pink and I going to have to have in my house?  All of which was funny since with our son I didn’t have any of these thoughts. 

I’m not sure why it stuck me in such a different manner.  Perhaps my wife had the same thoughts when she found out we were having a boy?  Or perhaps, as my mechanic once told me “God punishes players with daughters”? 

Alicia Silverstone in the movie Clueless

They are everywhere:  So now, a few weeks later, I am settling into the idea of having a daughter.  I am taking note of little girls in our play groups and how they interact and play differently than our bulldozer of a son.  I’m finding that many of them aren’t dressed in all pink or carried around as if made of glass, and yet some are.  It has me thinking about what was the difference in the childhoods of Mia Hamm and Elizabeth “Snooki” Polizzi were that made them who they are today?  Was it their parents, friends, schools, teachers, amount of TV watched.. or were they born with a predisposition to become who we know today?  

I have to believe that that I as a father have some input as to who my daughter will be, or at least the direction she goes in.  He’s to hoping she is smart, tough and classy like Leia and not a prissy slut like Padme (oh the day she says “will someone get this walking carpet out of my way).

An (unnamed) friend of mine sent me this picture from the Lowes HQ after reading my post about the ridiculous number of drinking fountains in the Atlanta store, none of which were working in the 100+ heat, and I almost feel off my chair.

Apparently who ever has the drinking fountain contract with Lowes is one hell of a salesperson.  I mean, I get 2 drinking fountains, maybe even 3 in a big building, but 6?  That just seems weird.

I was thinking maybe Lowes is conforming to some new drinking fountain code that I don’t know about? But the fact that the wheel chair height drinking fountain located all the way on the right of the picture is actually too close to the wall for code pretty much dispels that.