Really? Yesterday I was at our favorite baby store (New Baby Products) and they were having a clearance sale on old stock. I noticed several copies of this book at the bottom of a box filled with bottle parts and nursing capes.
The title made me throw up a little in my mouth “Keeping You Toddler on Track till Mommy Gets Home”. Then I started to focus in on the cover art:
- Daddy trying to read the paper and have coffee despite the kids “energetic” behavior (AKA Daddy just trying to live his life and ignoring the kid)
- Daddy’s apron “Mommy’s Helper” (which seems weird since it’s looks like a stereotypical “woman’s” apron)
- The kid’s shirt “Mommy’s Angel” (which he clearly seems not to be)
- Animals in fear for their lives
- Bystanders in shock of the level of neglect and disregard being demonstrated be Daddy
- Daddy not noticing (or caring) about rules or posted laws (such as stay off the grass)
I’ll admit that all that made me not even want to crack it open, and I didn’t, but now I regret it. When I got home I looked it up on Amazon and found the description to be basically the book that I am writing (in my mind at this point):
A tongue-in-cheek peek at modern parenting from a father’s point of view, this spoof is targeted at today’s career-minded mom and dad team. Breezy, irreverent humor escorts dads through basic topics such as home-from-the-hospital adjustments, post-partum dos and don’ts, diaper changing, feeding, difficult infant behavior, child-care choices, and the bustle of the pretoddler stage. Lightening up the serious business of being a 21st-century father, this book teaches dads that they don’t have to be perfect and shows them how to enjoy the different stages of a baby’s life.
I scrolled down and found the following review to be somewhat typical:
This book is a humorous treatment of caring for a baby. That much is clear from the other reviews. What is not clear, though, is that this book does not present facts which are useful in the course of attempting to be funny.
Let me be clear: This is a comedy, there is no useful information in this book. I would not recommend this to anyone who actually would like some tips on caring for a baby, but presented in a light-hearted manner. There is an excellent book which I would describe as just that: Be Prepared: A Practical Handbook for New Dads by Gary Greenberg and Jeannie Hayden.
I would not recommend Keeping The Baby Alive to anyone, it’s not that funny and it’s got zilch for information. By Bicycle Agent 003
Again from Amazon:
About the Author: Walter Roark is the author of two award-winning CD-ROMs, Life’s Greatest Mysteries and Nine Month Miracle. He lives in Atlanta, Georgia.
“Award-winning CD-ROMs”? That’s a thing?? ..and what are these awards you speak of?
His list of books (I could not find any info on these CD-ROMs):
- Keeping the Baby Alive till Your Wife Gets Home: The Tough New ‘How-To’ for 21st-Century Dads (2001)
- Keeping Your Toddler on Track till Mommy Gets Back: The Toddler Survival Guide for 21st-Century Dads (2003)
- Keeping Your Grandkids Alive till Their Ungrateful Parents Arrive: The Guide for Fun-Loving Granddads (2004)
- Keeping the Baby Alive till Your Wife Gets Home (2005)
- Real Florida: A Travel Guide for the Passionate Yet Practical (2006)
A “humorous” quote from the book:
Question: You come home late from a hard day at the office and find Aunt Ethel camped out by the crib, teaching your little boy how to say cute things like “boo-boo” and “pee-pee.” Should you? (a) Politely state that those words are slightly silly and you’d prefer it if Baby didn’t learn them (b) Inform Auntie that hearing “pee-pee” makes you sick to your stomach, then prove it on her robe (c) Smack Aunt Ethel in the face and tell her to mind her own business (d) Say, “Son, the correct usage for those words is ‘injury’ and ‘urinate.’ Please make a mental note.” The answer is, of course, (d). Because answer (a) would cause family friction, (b) would create a scene and (c) would provoke a lawsuit… (d) is the only possible alternative.
More excerpts from the book can be found on his website, but be warned, they are all about as funny as the above: www.clearingskies.com
The Bottom Line: I know that the world is full of horrible dads that don’t think it’s their job to do the “mommy work” and that only when it’s time to teach the boys how to throw a baseball will it be their time to step in. And I’m sure that plenty of these people would find this kind of book hilarious, but as a stay at home dad it is exactly this kind of book that pisses me off to my core. If a book were titled something like, oh I don’t know, “The day Mommy tried to get a real job: The guide for gals that want to try bringing home the bacon for a change” I don’t think it would go over so well..